Category Archives: Lessons in Motherhood

Sending your last child off to school: a mother’s transition

Posted on by Mika
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We had a break through today! Day 4 and my youngest wasn’t sad to see me leave when I dropped her off to school.

I wish I could take the credit, but the reality is, her friend started school today! :)

As my daughter has been transitioning to school, it has been a bit of a transition for me too.

I was expecting to feel really productive….after all, with all this free time, there was a list of projects I wanted to tackle – decluttering being numero uno!

The first few days of being home alone, I kind of felt a little aimless. Thank goodness I had lunch plans on the first day of the school drop off, otherwise, I think I might have gone home and wandered around the house.

Just as my daughter has eased into school life, I am feeling like myself again now. Ideas are flowing and I just need to figure out which order to do them in.

I know that everyone is different, but here is what I found with my transition to being at home…alone!

  • It is really helpful to take a moment to mourn your youngest going to school before the big day arrives. (Great advice from Widge at My guide to surviving and enjoying life’s mundane. This meant that on the day, when someone asked me “How are you doing?” or when there was a potentially emotional part of the day, I could handle it.)
  • Make plans on the first day of school to have lunch with a friend or have a good DVD to come home to.
  • If you don’t have plans to go straight into paid employment, you will find there will be many opportunities that can fill up your day. Pick and choose carefully, or do nothing while you decide. (I am choosing, not to commit myself to anything at this stage. For me, that is a HUGE step, to flex those muscles of saying “no” to things. I wrote about this in my posts “Taming the “Yes Beast” and “The serial volunteer”.)
  • Be aware that general housework can easily eat a big chunk into your day, or can expand to take up the whole time the kids are at school!
  • The first few days after dropping off your youngest to school….you may find moments in the day where you just feel sad.
  • Watching DVDs (that aren’t aimed at kids) during the day is fun! (Even if you are folding the laundry during it.)
  • Going out for lunch with family and friends is even more fun!
  • You actually get a chance to do things that you haven’t tried before. You are only limited by your imagination! (So far, I’ve gone to zumba classes during the day, and made a family newsletter.)




Are you burning out??

Posted on by Mika
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It was just one of those mornings where the kids got ready really well, hubby was going into work late so he could look after our 4 year old, and I did not have to be anywhere in the morning. I decided to make the most of it, by playing netball with my girls before school.

My 8 & 10 year old started netball for the first time this year, and they are loving it.

Their first game in the rain

When we got to school this morning, our daugthers’  friends joined in, and we had enough to play some netball against each other.

It felt good to run around again, thinking strategically, pushing my body to intercept or to create space to get the ball.

Then it hit….

….the wall.

The body that I had neglected for months by not exercising, started to slow down. My arms started moving more than my feet (imagine a stationary windmill! ha!) I started walking more, and to breath heavier.

“How the heck do they keep this pace up the whole game?!” I thought to myself.

As I walked home, I started thinking about what just happened, and how it relates to life.

We do not do anyone any favours, when we push ourselves by being an energiser bunny, being everything to everyone, and then inevitably burning out.

Unfortunately, we often don’t register that things are “too much”, until we burn out…and by then, the effects on us and our family are obvious.

So what do we do?

One way is to learn from the times we burn out. In this netball situation, I would learn that, if I wanted to play a full 15-20mins I would have to play the game differently and pace myself to “my level” of fitness so I could last the whole time.

In our life, we need to ask ourselves, what is too much? What is my limit?

Our limits constantly change.

  • Going from no children to one child, one child to two children etc etc etc…..
  • the family dynamics: babies, preschool age, primary age, teenagers
  • being sleep deprived
  • having a super active child
  • work, study or church commitments
  • etc etc etc!!

All of this means we need to take a look at our expectations – just because we were able to do it all before, does not necessarily mean we can do it all now. We need to listen to the rhythm of our life.

Everyone’s life is different. We need to slow down to our own “level”, not someone elses.

We are no use to our families or anyone else when we burn out.

Another thing that I learned from my netball experience is that if I want to play with high intensity longer, I would need to get my fitness level up. Just doing a little bit towards my fitness and often, would make a huge difference.

Doing a little and often, gives us the advantage in life too. If we plan ahead, and chip away at the things we need to do, we will avoid having to exert huge amounts of effort in one go, and burning ourselves out. This relates to our home (laundry, decluttering etc), our family (small acts often: eg dinners together, reading with them, dates with children) and our other commitments (working on assignments, projects, returning emails way before deadlines!)

And finally, a lesson that all sports people know, and will testify to:

REST!

A runner would not run 7 days a week, a body builder would not lift weights every day. If you ask anyone who is heavily committed to their sport, they will tell you how important the concept of rest is in avoiding injury.

So, indulge yourself ladies. Do not feel guilty about YOU time! In fact, it is ESSENTIAL to being a well-balanced and fully functioning mother.

xo

Ebb and Flow

Posted on by Mika
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“The only constant is change.” – Heraclitus (Greek philosopher)

I haven’t really given myself time or space to write or ponder, these last few months.

I think I have been content to just chug along doing other things, and have been busy being busy.

Things have started to settle, and I can see above the haze now.

We established a new routine for the kids a few weeks ago, and we are now reaping the benefits. The major one being that bedtime is a lot more pleasant.

The younger two were having trouble settling, and it wasn’t pleasant to constantly tell them to be quiet and hop into their bed.

We have our family prayer, and then we get our 4 year old ready to bed at 7pm – dressed, brush teeth etc (she has a bath during the day), and then prayers, stories and songs. During this time the older children are brushing their teeth, having showers and getting into their PJs.

At 7.30pm, the 3 older children go to the living room where I read them a story. This gives our 4 year old some quiet time to settle to bed, without noise around her bedroom.

Then at 8pm, the older children say their personal prayers and our 6 year old and 8 year old go to bed. They are a lot more relaxed and ready to settle down. By this time our 4 year old is asleep (and not singing songs and talking to everyone, like she used to.)

Our oldest daughter now has, “10 year old time”. She gets to stay up until 8.30pm. She can spend time with us, read a book, or some other activity. Sometimes she puts herself to bed earlier if she is tired.

One things I learned from trying out a new routine is that we need to be flexible to change things that used to work, when they no longer serve the family. Sometimes we get stuck doing the same thing over and over again, when in fact there probably is a better way to do it.

For the longest time, I used to feed the children early before hubby came home. They used to eat at the breakfast bench (where there was no carpet under the stools!). I was used to not sitting, because I was constantly getting up to feed a baby, assist a toddler, or get something for the younger children. This may have worked well at one stage of our family’s life, but it no longer served our family.

We finally made the jump to the carpeted dining room table. We moved the dinner time a bit later, until Daddy could join us, and it has been fabulous….for us, and our stage, and our children.

It is a lot more relaxed, I sit down and we take our time eating. I no longer have power struggles over food with my son. I don’t usually have to ask him to eat anymore, I just praise the kids who try new things, and then before I know it, “pop” into his mouth goes that item.

Motherhood is all about adjusting, and changing and ultimately enjoying the ebb and flows of life with our children. xo

Where’s Wally? Where’s Mummy!?! Getting out from behind the camera

Posted on by Mika
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So here’s what I have realised. I have hardly any photos of myself!

Making more of an effort to get out from behind the camera has been on my mind, on and off over the last couple of years. We even bought a smaller camera with the idea that the kids could take photos of the family…and hopefully with me in it too!

Then a few days ago, I was asked to submit a photo for something. I went searching and I was shocked at how few photos I am in. Absolutely shocked.

If I wanted to change this, I needed to be a wee bit more demanding, “ok, now take a photo of me!”

I also needed to get over myself.

I remember last year, when I really grasped the fact that, how we look every day: no make up, our hair doing all sorts of funny things and daggy clothes etc, is how our kids see us every…single…day. So they are going to love that photo of us even if we are “unpolished”, because that person they are hugging in the photo is their reality.

For my children, I want them to have photos of me with them.

And for me, I want to accept and love the person in the photo….au naturel. ;)

I have been challenging myself, by taking opportunities to snap photos of myself. I just set up the tripod and away I go.

Sometimes, instead of using the tripod I get the kids to take the photos.

I didn’t realise that this exercise would reward me with such fun (and funny) photos. None of these photos were taken by another adult.  The shots inside were on a tripod (I bought a bundle similar to this S1800 model where you will see my mini tripod). The shots outside were taken by me or the kids using our Fujifilm FinePix S1600. (I usually shoot with a Canon 10D)

This is the mantra: It isn’t about perfection, it is about the memories….now breath! And take the photo! ;)

2011: Being a better friend to..you!

Posted on by Mika
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Like a lot of people, I have been thinking about goals and New Year’s Resolutions lately. Ideas have been swirling around in my head over the past week, but I have not been able to settle on anything…until the idea that felt right, came to me today.

I have decided that I am going to be a better friend to myself.

I want to be a friend who:

encourages you to follow through with ideas
makes you see sense
encourages you to make good decisions
helps you stay organised
reminds you to be kind to yourself
sees your potential
keeps you focused on your dreams
tells you to smile more
reminds you of your priorities and keeps you on track
knows when you should let go
encourages you to be unique and yourself
challenges any negative thoughts or attitudes
helps you gain clarity by giving you the space to really think
is your biggest fan
and makes you a good hot chocolate when you need it…(yum!)

Here’s to 2011!!

Basking in the Beauty

Posted on by Mika
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On Sunday, we took advantage of the sunshine, and the fact that hubby had no Bishop duties after church.

We went for a walk in the Botanic Gardens in Wellington. Instead of sticking to the usual concrete paths that wind through the garden, our children took us somewhere we had never been before.

My son found a walkway off the path, and we followed it up. I felt like Heidi, girl of the Alps, as we walked through the bright green foliage (I used to watch this programme when we lived in Japan as a kid!)

We just kept on winding our way through the hillside, deciding on a whim which way we would turn.

It brought us here…

The walk was gorgeous. How can Wellington continue to surprise us with these beauties that keep us in love with this city?

As I walked along, I thought about how this walk would not have been possible in another season of our life. I could not have done this walk with a pram for example.

I thought about how our family is evolving. Just like it evolved when we no longer planned our day around naps, or when we evolved from one, two, three, four children.

I like the pace, I like the adventure. Sometimes you are never really sure of what is coming next. There are also the parts that are trying and so exhausting. But the view…you can’t beat the view…

Lessons in Motherhood: Comfort vs Fashion?!?!

Posted on by Mika
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Last year I wrote about “comfort vs fashion” and the sacrifices we may make in the name of fashion, eg wearing high-heeled shoes when you know you will be running after a toddler, choosing to wear a fashionable top even through you know it won’t keep you warm…the list can go on and on!

Well, now I want you to think about what fashion sacrifices you make in the name of comfort.

Do these sound familiar: (If being a “fashionista” is in your blood, this may not apply to you…hehehe)

  • Wearing a pony tail day after day.
  • Having a kid friendly bag, a back pack or one that you wear across you chest. A fashion handbag just doesn’t fit the nappies and water bottle and change of clothes etc etc etc that you need. Plus it hits the kid in the head when it comes off your shoulder, and it is sometimes tricky to hold a toddler and handbag at the same time.
  • No time for make up (some of which are incredibly out of date)
  • No Accessories (who wants a necklace in the way of doing the dishes, or having earrings constantly being pulled off)
  • Can’t remember when the last time you actually bought clothes that wasn’t a sweatshirt, a pair of jeans or a t-shirt.
  • Clothing decisions revolve around the weather. Short-sleeves for a warm day, Long-sleeves for a chilly day, Jersey for a cold day…all teamed up with the trusty jeans (that now have holes in the knees…but we stopped worrying about that ages ago right!)
  • Practical, Practical, Practical!

Comfort was definitely my number one priority when I woke up (sleep deprived from broken nights rest) knowing that I was going to get drool/food/milk somewhere on my top during that day. Sometimes we are in survival mode aren’t we!

And then the cloud parts, and you see that fashion has moved on, and they might as well be selling alien suits in the stores, because you could never imagine yourself wearing the stuff that is out there.

But then things start to change….

You start to treat yourself with a haircut more regularly.

You linger in the shopping malls a bit longer since you aren’t on a breastfeeding curfew any more.The fashion doesn’t feel so foreign. You buy a few new pieces that make you feel like a million dollars, including a nice pair of jeans for the size you are now, instead of waiting for all the baby weight to fall off.

You invest in a “adult’s” handbag, and feel great using it!

You go out in the evening with friends or a date with your hubby and actually apply make up, earrings and a necklace. You look “hot”, even if you do say so yourself!

Even though on an everyday basis you keep it casual and comfortable, you know that on any given occasion you can turn the dial-up, because you are one “hot mama”….it’s just a matter of taking care of yourself and working through any issues that maybe a barrier to believing you are beautiful inside and out. (I think the “How to look good naked” series was inspirational because they were able to help the women change their perceptions of themselves…powerful!)

Lessons in Motherhood: A week without TV and Computer

Posted on by Mika
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Well, we are back from our weeklong break of the TV and computer. You may be wondering how we did!

Last week we were blessed with the most amazing winter weather in Wellington. We spent our TV/Computer free week of the school holidays going out every day and loving it! Our days were spent at parks, library visits, creativity centres, craft workshops, train trips and we even had a night walk and did some star-gazing.

The rest of the time we read books that we got out at the library, and drew…drew…and drew some more (restocking our art supply was one of the best investments of the week!)

My hubby thought he woke up to the twilight zone to find our 5 year old boy sitting at the table drawing (he usually just draws when his sisters draw) and our 9 year old daughter in the lounge reading a book (she is usually the one drawing).

Also, the other thing that I noticed, was that the children just got on with playing with each other. Sometimes all together, sometimes they would break off in twos. Lots of complex imaginative play that would just go on and on. It was fantastic! It would have never happened if their faces were glued to the computer screen or TV.

My 9 year old told me that she loved the week, and prefered it over watching TV or playing on the computer.

I also noticed that the kids and I settled and went to sleep a lot better too!?!

As the kids adjusted to having no computer and TV during the day, I had to adjust to it in the evening, when I usually hop on.

I must admit the first night I was bored! I soon found things to occupy my time though. Sometimes it was working on my to-do list, like mending clothes (finally!!) and reading new books. Most nights I would end up just hanging out with my hubby, which was looovely. We went out on a date on Friday, and when we came home my mum said the kids were really good. My Hubby attributed it to the TV/Computer Free week. ;)

I think the thing I missed the most was the convenience of paying for bills online…I had to post cheques and use the phone! (old skool!)

I can tell you that I didn’t miss the fights over who’s turn it was on the computer/TV, or the kids getting grumpy when the TV got turned off, or the late nights after letting the computer suck too much of my time.

I like the freedom of being computer free in the evenings and during the day…so I am having to re-think how I am going to fit it into my routine. hmmmmm??

That is where we are at the moment…figuring out how to transition back into using them again, and how much to use.

It was a great exercise to become free of those things that we thought were quite established in our lives.

We got to see that, actually, we can manage quite well without them, thank you very much!

Follow on from the post: “Going Off-Line for a Week…You’re What?!?!”

Lessons in Motherhood: Se7en things I would tell myself back then

Posted on by Mika
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I am so excited to be included in Se7en+1′s blogaversary’s celebrity week. She is a wonderful lady, who does amazing things with her kids.

She asked me to list se7en things about anything! So I decided to write about “Se7en things I would tell myself when I started Motherhood“. Here is a sneak peek:

  1. Beware of your expectations of yourself. There is no such thing as a super mama! As rewarding as motherhood is, there are difficult times. We need to ride through them and not be so hard on ourselves when everything isn’t “perfect”. Also, it is ok to receive help ;)
  2. Never compare yourself to other mothers. The problem with comparing is that we often compare our weaknesses to other’s strengths! How fair is that?!?! Instead of spending our energy thinking about what we aren’t good at, why not spend it focusing on finding out what our unique attributes are.

Read the rest over at Se7en’s blog

Lessons in Motherhood: 10 tips to get your mojo back

Posted on by Mika
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lost mojoSource: Google Images

I hate loosing my mojo. I just don’t feel like myself. So frustrating when it happens during the school holidays. Isn’t that when you need it the most?!

Everything seems to take more effort….to get out of bed, to do the dishes at night and to think of fun things to do with the kids.

I’ve had enough of my mojo-less holidays…so I’m going to be doing something about getting it back. Wish me luck!!

Here are 10 tips to help you get your mojo back:

1. Commit to getting plenty of sleep, and waking up early so you can ease into the day

2. Scrub your skin when you are in the shower/bath

3. Drink plenty of water and eat nice healthy food (avoid fatty foods and foods high in sugar)

4. Exercise, the endorphins will help you feel better

5. Get out of the house for some fresh air and sun

6. Do something fun and silly with the kids

7. Start a project that excites you

8. Listen to some really upbeat loud music

9. Write down things you are grateful for and things that made you smile today

10. Talk to someone, to give you some perspective

Good reads

Good mood: 10 ways to get yourself back into one

The Golden Seven: Missing

Chez Lee: Needing Sleep

5 Secrets To Having Happy Kids (Number 5 says: “you gotta be happy first before you can expect your children to be happy”)

If your mojo goes missing for more than two weeks then you may want to look into whether something else is going on.

Lessons in Motherhood: The many pictures of Motherhood

Posted on by Mika
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On occasion our outings have looked like this:

But more often it looks like this:

For some reason my kids like to run everywhere instead of walk?! (Can you imagine 4 kids trying to outrun each other…having absolutely NO idea where they are going…well those are my kids ;) hahaha)

And then there are moments like this:

Where everything fades into the background, and all that is left is you and your child. HEAVEN!

Lessons in Motherhood: My health wake up call

Posted on by Mika
9

We often associate “Sustainable Living” to the environment, but have you ever considered how it can relate to our health and wellbeing?

Is the way you treat your body sustainable?

Luckily throughout my life, and through my pregnancies I have been quite “healthy”, so I thought. In other words, I haven’t had many complications. So I have continued doing what I do, and not thinking much about it.

I have been unwell, on and off for about 3 months now, and today I was thinking, “This is the only body I have. If I want it to become a well oiled machine, what would I need to do?”

As I thought about nutrition, hydration, and exercise I was shocked to realise that the very thing that I encourage my children to do – in order for them to be healthy and happy – I had stopped doing myself!

Without thinking about it, I had developed some habits that were not doing my body any favours:

  • I was good at getting my children to eat a healthy high fibre breakfast to start their day on a good note, but sometimes I forgot to eat breakfast.
  • I was good at giving my children water or milk to drink, but I forgot to pour me a glass when I ate, or re-hydrate myself during the day.
  • I was good at including vegetables with my children’s meals and plenty of fruit in their lunch boxes and snacks, but I forgot to prepare a salad or eat plenty of fruit throughout the day.
  • I was good at getting my children to go to bed at their bed time because I knew they would become grumpy and irritable in the morning, but I forgot that if I had a late night it can actually make me grumpy and irritable too.

With so many things to do and remember, sometimes taking care of ourselves physically can get dropped off our to do list. When there doesn’t seem to be an immediate detrimental effect, we continue the behaviour that isn’t “sustainable” for our bodies.

On The Oprah Winfrey’s Show: “What is your body trying to tell you”, Dr. Northrup says your health depends on what’s going on with your mind, body and soul, and your symptoms are actually your soul’s way of bringing deeper issues to your attention. “You’re in labor with yourself because everything that no longer serves your highest purpose and your optimal health starts to go away and your body gives you signals’—Hey, you’ve been putting too much stuff under the carpet emotionally, nutritionally, not exercising … putting everyone else first. The kids, the husband, the job, whatever,’” Dr. Northrup says. “And your soul is saying, ‘What about me? What about me?’ And your body will start getting symptoms to hit you over the head with till you wake up.”

I went to the doctor again today, and I will be doing more tests, but one of the things that the doctor did tell me I needed to do was get more water into me and eat more fibre (fruits and veg!). So simple! Yet it is something that I have not placed a high enough priority on lately.

I think the learning I am going to take away with me from this experience is, “I am not putting a high enough priority on my health.”

I hope that by sharing this, you won’t need a wake up call like I did, before you start thinking  about how you can make changes in your lifestyle to make your health and wellbeing more sustainable.

Much love~!

Good reads:

Oprah – What is your body trying to tell you? Gives lots of advice about lifestyle, nutrition, taking care of your body and yourself (yay for discovery dates!)

My Pyramid: One size doesn’t fit all. MyPyramid offers personalized eating plans and interactive tools to help you plan/ assess your food choices based on the Dietary Guidelines for Americans.

About.com: Highest fiber vegetables, fruits and foods (funny, I just noticed that in NZ we spell “fibre” differently from Americans “fiber”)

Lessons in Motherhood: Do Over!

Posted on by Mika
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Do you believe in second chances? I do.

I didn’t have the best of days on Tuesday. I now realise I was quite sleep deprived, which hindered my decision-making (that’s my story and I’m sticking with it! hehehe). Basically at the end of the night, I felt I wasn’t as attentive to the kids as I could have been (Have you ever felt like that? As soon as your children’s head hit the pillow you start thinking…ah I wish I did things differently??)

Anyway, the next day I woke up early and was much more alert, and I said to myself, “I’m going to have a “DO OVER”!

To me, a “do over” means accepting that you may have had a bad day the day before, but that today is a new day, with new choices to be made.

The biggest difference to my “do over” day was my attitude. As I kept reminding myself that it was a “do over”, I felt empowered to guide the course of the day with my positive actions.

For me it meant:

being proactive instead of reactive

being showered, changed and ready for the day

starting the day with prayer and inspirational reading

listening to my body and having a rest to recharge my batteries

practicing patience

not going on the computer till after the kids go to bed

and as I mentioned, having a good attitude

My 7 and 9 year old must have decided to have a “do over” as well, because they woke up early and did their chores of unloading the dishwasher and getting the fruit and snack portion of the lunches ready, ate breakfast and got dressed, ALL without being asked!! Heaven!